I'm skipping work today and I haven't shaven. Did some cleaning, checked out some internet porn, posted some rubbish to can.politics.
And drank several cups of really gross coffee. Why can't I make good coffee? It's a curse that I've been living with since I was in university and drank instant coffee in the morning. I'm the same way with spaghetti sauce. Just can't get it right.
Later, I spent a bit of time reading in the bathroom, took a Brampton city bus map with me. Decided to check out the ads. Some great touristy information there. Apparently, and I didn't know this before, but apparently John Logan Chev Olds has Brampton's largest selection of new and used vehicles. Well. Let me tell you. I'm like, so impressed.
Also, later this afternoon I folded a newspaper in half that was on the table, thereby using up only half of the table space as before. I am just so efficient sometimes.
This has been an interesting August. For me, it has gone like this (so far):
Blah blah blah, Grama dies.
Take 4 days off work.
Blah blah blah, computer virus.
Don't come home from work for 3 days.
Blah blah blah (later the same week actually), b-b-b-blackout.
Live the life of a penniless bum from the 19th century for 2 days. Live off couch coins because the bank machines are down and I had no cash. Carry buckets of water up 7 flights of stairs like people in Africa because there is no water in my building. Stink.
***
The meaning of life is we are here to make babies. That's our primary reason for existing. Once we've accomplished that task, there are very few of us who will achieve anything else that will outlive us. Life is mostly "blah blah blah", with some occasional "then one day". That's why we tend to dwell on these rare moments of horror and excitement, reliving them over and over, in the newspaper and to anyone who will listen to our story of where we were when...
That said, after this month, I'd like some more "blah blah blah"
To make my point: Do you remember what you were doing the morning of September 10th, 2001?
Blah blah blah, Grama dies.
Take 4 days off work.
Blah blah blah, computer virus.
Don't come home from work for 3 days.
Blah blah blah (later the same week actually), b-b-b-blackout.
Live the life of a penniless bum from the 19th century for 2 days. Live off couch coins because the bank machines are down and I had no cash. Carry buckets of water up 7 flights of stairs like people in Africa because there is no water in my building. Stink.
***
The meaning of life is we are here to make babies. That's our primary reason for existing. Once we've accomplished that task, there are very few of us who will achieve anything else that will outlive us. Life is mostly "blah blah blah", with some occasional "then one day". That's why we tend to dwell on these rare moments of horror and excitement, reliving them over and over, in the newspaper and to anyone who will listen to our story of where we were when...
That said, after this month, I'd like some more "blah blah blah"
To make my point: Do you remember what you were doing the morning of September 10th, 2001?
Remember a couple of months ago, when the Yanks claimed to have killed the Iraqi dude named "Chemical Ali"?
If you do, you'll find this story a bit odd, reported in the Globe and Mail today.
Apparently now he's not only dead, he's in US custody.
If you do, you'll find this story a bit odd, reported in the Globe and Mail today.
Apparently now he's not only dead, he's in US custody.
I have a lot of respect for Warren Kinsella, but on the gay marriage issue, we are polar opposites. Well, maybe not polar opposites, but we disagree. He's fer it, and I'm agin' it.
So, while I wait here for my sister, with whom I'm travelling home to say goodbye to my Grama (see previous post), I thought I'd take my mind off things by answering some questions Warren has asked the anti-gay marriage crowd in general on his website. My answers are not intended to be serious, just something to occupy my mind for the next hour.
Q) a) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
A) Just the ones who don't mow their lawns. Invite the rest over for the BBQ.
Q) b) A friend would like to sell his daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
A) Send me a picture and I'll tell you.
Q) c) One knows that one is not allowed contact with a woman while she is in her period of "menstrual uncleanliness" (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is, how does one tell? Wouldn't it be a bit rude just to come out and ask?
A) Call her husband and ask him.
Q) d) Leviticus 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighbouring nations. A friend of mine claims that this does not apply to Americans. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Americans? I could use one or two around the house, believe me.
A) Because eventually a Canadian Abe Lincoln would eventually come along and free them. Can you imagine the crime rate if we had freed Americans living in our cities?
Q) e) I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to dispatch him from this mortal coil myself? Or can I hire a consultant to do the job for me?
A) Does he mow his lawn?
Q) f) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an Abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? I am heading to Maine, shortly, and would like to know how to deal with my yearly Lobster Abomination Dilemma.
A) Are lobsters actually "fish"?
Q) g) Leviticus 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear contact lenses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here? Will I be exempt if I get laser surgery, like Preston Manning did?
A) I think that this was probably just an early attempt to prevent or prohibit masturbation. As you suggested earlier, they may have considered it rude for the priest to just come out and ask.
Q) h) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Leviticus 19:27. How should they be put to death? Does my male pattern baldness signify God's displeasure with me?
A) I believe that this was the world's first zoning by-law. You'll understand if you remember that the word temple has another meaning in the bible.
Q) i) I know from Leviticus 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football with my five-year-old son if I wear gloves? He enjoys football a great deal, and those plastic replica footballs just don't achieve the proper degree of spin.
A) No, that's cool. But if you accidentally get hit in the mouth by the football, and then ingest your saliva, you're going to hell.
Q) j) My great-uncle has a farm. He violates Leviticus 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife (and mine, I regret to say) by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (a shameful, sinful cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev. 24:10-16) Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
A) That's probably not a question I can answer. For a more authoritative opinion, visit this link.
***
Actually I don't expect everyone to get that last one.
So, while I wait here for my sister, with whom I'm travelling home to say goodbye to my Grama (see previous post), I thought I'd take my mind off things by answering some questions Warren has asked the anti-gay marriage crowd in general on his website. My answers are not intended to be serious, just something to occupy my mind for the next hour.
Q) a) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
A) Just the ones who don't mow their lawns. Invite the rest over for the BBQ.
Q) b) A friend would like to sell his daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
A) Send me a picture and I'll tell you.
Q) c) One knows that one is not allowed contact with a woman while she is in her period of "menstrual uncleanliness" (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is, how does one tell? Wouldn't it be a bit rude just to come out and ask?
A) Call her husband and ask him.
Q) d) Leviticus 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighbouring nations. A friend of mine claims that this does not apply to Americans. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Americans? I could use one or two around the house, believe me.
A) Because eventually a Canadian Abe Lincoln would eventually come along and free them. Can you imagine the crime rate if we had freed Americans living in our cities?
Q) e) I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to dispatch him from this mortal coil myself? Or can I hire a consultant to do the job for me?
A) Does he mow his lawn?
Q) f) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an Abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? I am heading to Maine, shortly, and would like to know how to deal with my yearly Lobster Abomination Dilemma.
A) Are lobsters actually "fish"?
Q) g) Leviticus 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear contact lenses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here? Will I be exempt if I get laser surgery, like Preston Manning did?
A) I think that this was probably just an early attempt to prevent or prohibit masturbation. As you suggested earlier, they may have considered it rude for the priest to just come out and ask.
Q) h) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Leviticus 19:27. How should they be put to death? Does my male pattern baldness signify God's displeasure with me?
A) I believe that this was the world's first zoning by-law. You'll understand if you remember that the word temple has another meaning in the bible.
Q) i) I know from Leviticus 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football with my five-year-old son if I wear gloves? He enjoys football a great deal, and those plastic replica footballs just don't achieve the proper degree of spin.
A) No, that's cool. But if you accidentally get hit in the mouth by the football, and then ingest your saliva, you're going to hell.
Q) j) My great-uncle has a farm. He violates Leviticus 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife (and mine, I regret to say) by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (a shameful, sinful cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev. 24:10-16) Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
A) That's probably not a question I can answer. For a more authoritative opinion, visit this link.
***
Actually I don't expect everyone to get that last one.
My grama died on a cloudy Friday Morning, surrounded by her children.
She was a teenager during the depression and was married during the war. She’d had 5 children, one of whom had died at birth. She had 7 grandchildren, and was expecting to be a great-grandmother soon.
I can still remember her sneaking cigarettes when I was 3 or 4, thinking that I was too young and I wouldn’t remember. The last time I saw her was on a beautiful spring day, at Easter. The family had gotten together, and we were working on her garden and her pond, getting them ready for summer. She came out and sat down and watched, so I decided to sit down beside her on the edge of the porch and chat. It was the next weekend that the family told me that she was sick. However she was a strong woman, and I guess I expected that she would pull out of it. I held on to that belief despite the alarming e-mails I received over the past few days from my mother.
So this morning when my boss called me into the conference room to tell me that my sister had called, and Merreta May Bailey (maiden name was Spencer) had passed away, I was completely shocked.
The question I have to try to figure out now and over the next few days, is how to say goodbye to someone who has already gone. Hmmm..
Mike
She was a teenager during the depression and was married during the war. She’d had 5 children, one of whom had died at birth. She had 7 grandchildren, and was expecting to be a great-grandmother soon.
I can still remember her sneaking cigarettes when I was 3 or 4, thinking that I was too young and I wouldn’t remember. The last time I saw her was on a beautiful spring day, at Easter. The family had gotten together, and we were working on her garden and her pond, getting them ready for summer. She came out and sat down and watched, so I decided to sit down beside her on the edge of the porch and chat. It was the next weekend that the family told me that she was sick. However she was a strong woman, and I guess I expected that she would pull out of it. I held on to that belief despite the alarming e-mails I received over the past few days from my mother.
So this morning when my boss called me into the conference room to tell me that my sister had called, and Merreta May Bailey (maiden name was Spencer) had passed away, I was completely shocked.
The question I have to try to figure out now and over the next few days, is how to say goodbye to someone who has already gone. Hmmm..
Mike
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