The Delegate Tot-up

Apparently these numbers are still changing for various reasons, like some folks don't want to dance with them as brought 'em. So I guess from time to time it might be valuable to publish the most recent reckoning. Here:

Bachand: 102
Brison: 267
Chandler: 7
Grafftey: 8
MacKay: 1139
Orchard: 702
Prentice: 407
Undeclared: 103

By the way, my last post (below) was very silly, but unfortunately I put in some extra HTML that doesn't work with this blog editor for some reason, the result being that I can't edit or delete the post.

Oh I really hope he came. Did he say for sure he was coming Herb?

You came!! I'm so happy. C'mere, gimme a hug you.

John, you really need to brush those teeth.

It makes me so happy when you lead Dalty..

I can't be Mr. Spock like you, I just can't get this smile off my face. What's wrong, you don't
look happy to see me?

Shibbety Shwa!!!!Whoa John, watch where you're putting your hand.

OK, John, you stay over there from now on.

Will you fix the button on my shirtsleeve for me Dalton?

I'm waiting for the results of my SARS test by the way.

La-la-la la-la-la la-la-la la-la-la la-la-la...

La-la dee-dee da, la-da-da, la-la-la la-la lally-lally la...

I'm so happy that you came Dalt, I really really really am.

John: OK the Square dance is starting now.

Dalton: That's why I came!

the other race
The Websites.

It's now been 912 hours since Paul Martin last posted to his blog. Sometime on Friday evening he will hit the 1000 hour mark.

I decided to look at his links page, to see what sorts of sites Martin (or whomever is responsible for doing his website) deemed important enough to link to.
It's a very businessy website, which I think describes Paul fairly well. When I saw him on Sunday on TV, he appeared to be all business, no smiles. He said nothing interesting, certainly nothing that could possibly get him into any hot water in the press. Still I think that the World Bank and the Romanow Commision links are a bit much.

The main site is visually appealing, it is set up to look like a newspaper front page, along the lines of the Onion magazine. Unfortunately the actual stories are as unappealing as the links site. One of the headlines reads "Martin challenges “conventional wisdom,” asks Canadians to do the same".
What the heck is that supposed to mean anyway? I think that most people who come across his site would probably prefer something a little more human, less dry. Would the opposite of a dry political website be a wet site?

I'm not going to try to coin any new terms, but a "wet site" would be one that contained humour, less businessy, with the intention of gaining the interest of a visitor, so that that visitor will want to look around a bit on the site, maybe click on a few of the links and see what else the candidate has to say. This doesn't mean that Paul needs to start telling jokes, but keeping his blog up-to-date would be a good start. And get rid of some of those links on the links page, the ones that won't be of any interest to the average Liberal party member. Perhaps add a link to Warren Kinsella's site.
Anyway, I'm not here to give advice to Paul on campaigning, I'm sure he's got people on staff who know a heck of a lot more than I do. I should mention that I did like the picture of Paul perusing his dad's campaign stuff at Queen's University. Not really moving, but perhaps it could be described as touching.

Yeah see here's an example of a site that appears less businessy, although I'm sure it is intended to serve exactly the same purpose as the Martin website. Certainly the language is less dry. I'll do the links page again, since I roasted Martin on his links. Basically, Manley's (I keep writing Martin and having to correct it) links are more oriented towards what a casual visitor might be interested in looking at. Newspapers, and even a link to The Weather Network. Those are the things you want to put on a website which is geared towards average Canadians, and average Liberal Party members. It's not as polished as the Martin site, but definitely better suited to it's audience.
Manley's site isn't exactly inspiring either (not that any personal political campaign website ever is), but it's much easier to read without falling asleep. On the downside, the site doesn't have nearly the depth of the Martin site, not as many articles, not much to keep the visitor on the site.

Interestingly, on the site (his non leadership page), Manley has a little video in which he speaks for about a minute. A very nice addition to that webpage, although everything he says is very "fortune-cookie-ish".

Sheila Copps
Well it wasn't very hard to do the Sheila Copps site, her campaign site is fairly shallow, with a grand total of 12 links (and a couple are repeated). The "About Sheila" link leads to her life story. It's the "Sheila's Vision for Canada" that leads to her campaign stuff, there are 7 or 8 documents on that page. The site itself is fairly well done, and in fact it looks like it's probably done by the same folks who did the Manley site.
The language on the site is a lot less dry than the Martin site, and like the Manley site the language is very campaigny.

Now, if I was a Liberal and I had my 'druthers, I'd be trying to get the Justice Minister, Martin Cauchon into the race. He'd be my first choice if I was a Liberal.
This is an e-mail I received from Graydon Sametz, a reader I've been corresponding with. Mr. Sametz is not currently a party member. He had planned to purchase a membership to support David Orchard, but missed the cut-off.

I'm posting this e-mail (with his kind permission), as an alternate point of view on the race to my own. He raises some very good points which I haven't seen raised elsewhere.


Hi Mike,
You know anything can happen at the leadership convention, but I know one of the main goals is to keep the top prize out of Mr. Orchard's hands.
I heard that good old Lyin' Brian Mulroney might run again as PC Leader,uggghh and make Paul Martin, John Turner II, take it with a grain of salt, just rumours floating around. I hope to god that dosen't happen.

I think Mr. Mckay says one thing and means another, of course he is a merger candidate, I saw him here in Manitoba, on one of his stops and he said that in the future we would like to work very close with the Canadian Alliance, Just remember Desperate Times, calls for Desperate Measures if you know what I mean.
Also it seems to me that an "Anyone but Mc Kay" movement seems to be presenting itself, The most to gain is Mr. Prentice, like I said before anything can happen. Let's not get ahead of ourselves.

If Mr. Bachand was leader, he would set a strong Tory base in Quebec gain some seats, few in Ontario, Some East, Some West.
Either Peter Mc Kay or Scott Brison as Leader would confine the PC's as nothing more of and Atlantic Rump Party that they are now,
Mr.Prentice as Leader, would make Alberta go PC and maybe kill the Alliance Party, who knows?

Mr. Orchard as Leader, would win a huge amount of seats in B.C and Saskatchewan for sure, his Anti - Gun Control would be popular with, Rural Canadians, people in the Artic, I think, Manitoba would go back to it's old PC roots. He would pick up a few seats in Ontario, Quebec, Martimes, no Majority though sorry,. I don't think he would split the vote with the NDP, Orchard Policies, Reminise the Polices of one John "Dief the Chief" Diefenbaker who we all know what happened in 1958, had a landslide victory. Can History Repeat itself?

Forgot to tell you that I find ( and this is my personal opinion) the CA wants to set up an American style Republic, with it Extreme Right Wing Rethoric, I do understand Governement need to be cut drastically, but Privatzing Health Care and Other Canadian Trademarks, I know those are considered Socialist , but still whenever I needed it , it has been there for me and my family 24/7. I also think the Canadian Alliance, does not want to do what is in the best interest for Canada, very Ideological driven agenda and I can't accept that.

I will watch this By - Election in Ontario on May 12, My Prediction Either a New PC or NDP MP in power, people are sick of the Liberals especially Chretien, People won't flock to the Extremes of the CA.

Sorry for the long E-mail, just got to get alot of things off my chest.
I meant to mention last week that Andre Bachand has announced that he is not part of any ABM (Anybody But MacKay) movement.

Here's the link if you think I'm a big fat Liar Liar Pants on Fire. I'm not really sure I understood the concept of an ABM campaign anyway. Anybody who thinks that Peter MacKay is the worst thing that could happen to this party, has never met me.
not unböring
As Vancouver Scrum mentioned, CTV's Question Period contained an interview with Paul Martin yesterday morning. I was lying on the couch in the "other room" watching and trying not to doze off.
I did find it very interesting that Martin used as a backdrop, a Canadian flag and a Quebec Flag. Is that some sort of a statement on how Paul Martin would deal with the "Quebec issue"? OK, whatever, I don't really care.

Anyway, I just have this question for people who've paid attention to Martin for some time: Has he always been this completely and utterly böring to listen to? I mean gawd, I've never had so much trouble listening to a person speak before.

He seems completely humourless. He speaks like a robot, with no human qualities to speak of. I get the distinct impression that this man dreams in politician-talk. Here's the link to watch the interview online, tell me if you don't agree with me.
I mean, what kind of human being would ever come out with the following sentence?
"..exercise our sovereignty on our coasts, the Arctic being a classic example"
Listen online to Joe speaking to CKNW's Peter Warren, and answering listener questions link.

To save time, I've broken down the show for you, so you can find the segment you're interested in:
SARS: 8 minutes into the show.
PC leadersship: 12:45.
Listener questions: 19 minutes-27:30.

Quote: "I've lived through worse cartoons that that, Peter".
Tory Underpants
(I swear to God I'm not making any of this up.)

Support the PC Party by wearing a pair of Torydraft thong underwear to the convention.

Andre Bachand: "I prefer the thong, I need less tissue to cover what I need to cover."
Jim Prentice: "You won't find me dead or alive in a thong"

Or, try the boxers in sizes Small to X Large.

Peter MacKay: "Definitely a boxer guy. It leaves for more room and comfort”
Scott Brison: "A fighter like me, naturally, I always wear boxers"

So far, no word on what kind of undies Orchard will be wearing. Thank God.

Take a look at the whole product line.
Here's a thought...How about Torydraft SARS masks?

I just love Bachand's response to this question. Someone who can come out with a line like that, is someone who can win debates for us.
We were discussing the leadership debate on a discussion group, and since I still haven't published my little piece on the debate (I really mean to, I still have Peter Mackay to cover and then I'm done), I thought I'd publish this excellent piece written by another Tory.

The Author of this piece is Eric Glubish, and it can be found here.

So does Peter McKay have it tied up or is there an Anbody But Peter movement afoot? If Jim Prentice, Scott Brison and André Bachand can work together and bring on the Grafftey and Chandler teams plus getting the Unite the Right vote by actually working towards an eventual cooperative coalition between the Alliance and us then they could defeat Peter.

Candidates for the leadership of the federal Progressive Conservative party are ganging up on the front-runner, Peter McKay. Five of the seven candidates participated in a debate yesterday on Politics, hoping to generate some interest in a lacklustre race with five weeks to go before the leadership convention.

Delegate selection has put MP Peter McKay in the lead, with Saskatchewan farmer David Orchard in second place. The two men next in line took aim at McKay during Wednesday's debate. Calgary lawyer Jim Prentice accused him of flip-flopping on the issue of co-operation with the Canadian Alliance. "In Western Canada … you have said that the Canadian Alliance is radioactive and then you've gone to St. Catherines, Ont., … and said that we should run joint candidates, presumably joint radioactive candidates," said Prentice.

Tory MP Scott Brison said McKay lacks vision. "That's what they're looking for, Peter, and they've criticized our party for not standing for anything," he said. Prentice, Brison and a third candidate, André Bachand, are discussing a possible joint attack to try to stop McKay at the Tory convention in Toronto at the end of May.

Some Conservatives have called party headquarters saying they're worried about attending the convention because of SARS. This all according to Newman. If you ask myself, I would say that Toronto could just be the turning point for us Tories and could just be the day we finally make one conservative party as it should be.
Another Tory blog!!!

Mike Watkins, a Prentice supporter from Vancouver, has been writing about the Tory leadership race, and it appears he's doing a much better job at staying on topic that I have been lately. I've been distracted by other stuff, but will eventually get back to keeping everyone up-to-date on the latest poop from the leadership race.

In fact, while I'm here, I may as well post the most recent delegate numbers. These are basically final, although there will be some minor changes as campaigns try to woo delegates into their camp. I've already been invited to meet with David Orchard, but I was going to be "out of town" that day.

Anyway, here.

Bachand 92
Brison 265
Chandler 7
Grafftey 8
MacKay 1130
Orchard 697
Prentice 378
Undeclared 97
This has absolutely nothing to do with politics, but...

October 23, 1993. Watch the Jays win their second world series online, or just watch the 9th. Link

You may need to set up an account to login, but it's free, and you can make up a fake e-mail address.

Wow. You know, I remember those Coca-Cola commercials they were playing throughout the World Series in '93, the ones that went "do-do-do do-do, always Coca-Cola". They always had some little story in the song. Within minutes of the Carter homer, CTV's first commercial was a Coke comercial, and somehow they must have been doing it live because they sang about the events of that game, and concluded with a line about Carter's Home Run.
Nobody else seems to remember this though.
New Fox reality show to determine ruler of Iraq

LOS ANGELES—Fox executives Monday unveiled their latest reality-TV venture, Appointed By America, a new series in which contestants vie for the top spot in Iraq's post-war government. Link

From Wednesday's "Social Studies"

Saying 'yes' to 'no'
" 'No' don't get no respect," contends Kim DeMotte, a St. Louis management consultant and author of The Positive Power of No, to be published in the fall. "There is a terrible cultural prejudice for the word 'yes' and and unspoken avoidance of 'no.' " However, the word "no" has such power, notes The Arizona Republic.

"As Houston clinical psychologist Joe Peraino puts it: 'Saying no is a positive statement. When we say no to others, we are saying yes to ourselves, our dreams, our goals. Saying no does simplify our lives by limiting the number of obligations, activities and promises we make. It reduces stress."
Since our leadership convention is going to here in Toronto next month, I thought maybe a few bits of info on SARS to rest the mind of the worried traveller would be in order.

Dr. Richard Schabas, chief of staff at York Central Hospital in Richmond Hill, Ont., wrote an article this week on the topic for the Globe and Mail. He was Ontario's chief medical officer of health from 1987 to 1997.

According to Dr. Schabas:
"The SARS outbreak in Toronto was a hospital-based problem. The vast majority of SARS victims have acquired their infection either directly in a hospital or by infected hospital staff, patients or visitors who infect other members of their household. This hospital-based problem has been brought under control.

There have been very few cases of community-acquired SARS, and there is no evidence of a sustained community spread in Canada.

Toronto's SARS outbreak appears to be petering out. "
OK then...
I just finished watching the leadership debate, if you can call it that. I've never seen anything quite like it before. The format was this: a question was asked, 1 minute was given for a response, then 30 seconds to each of the other candidates. Then move on to the next question. It was horrible.

Consider, Free Trade, one of the most important Tory policies, and one of the biggest points of contention in this debate, was given 2, maybe 3 minutes, shared between the 5 candidates.
I don't know what the plan is for the next debate, but if it's another huddle with Don Newman, I think we should just forget it.

I did tape it, which was good since I got a call partway through and I missed about half. But I will try to go over it and see if anything of note was said during any of the 30 second sound bites.
Got this in my e-mail yesterday. Pretty standard stuff.
André invites you to watch the PC Party leadership candidate's debate this Wednesday April 23rd, at 5:00pm, Eastern time, on CBC Newsworld.

I almost overlooked the significance of the next part (I nearly failed to note it's noteworthiness), having given it only a cursory glance. But, when I perused it again (OK, enough ridiculous words), I found that the next paragraph said this:
The five candidates will be discussing various topics such as free trade, regional development and immigration, as well as the place of women in politics and the death penalty. We invite you to send us your comments after the debate to .

Whoa. Dude. Like, did he just say, like 5 candidates? Don't get me wrong man, I'm no counting nazi, like my girlfriend, but even I know that there OK, whatever.
No wait! 7 candidates!

So like then I decided to smoke another doob, and then do some investigationism into this.

The first place I went was that good old Tory standbye, Torydraft. I can always count on them to know what needs to be known. Here's an exerpt (that means little bits) of a letter sent by some complainy guy named Rob Fricker:
"The following is the text of an email I sent the CBC Ombudsman et al:

To: The President of the CBC, The Ombudsman, Don Newman, David Mathews, Mark Boldutch and anybody else in the CBC that can influence your position on who is included in and excluded from the PC Leadership Candidates Debate on Wednesday, April 23 and early May.

It has come to my attention that you intend to hold a "leadership debate" amongst just a portion of the bonafide leadership candidates and that you are excluding 2 (originally 3) of the candidates from participation." Full text

Now, the Torydraft letter doesn't list the names of those who won't be at the debate, and since I'm feeling all investigatey today, I went to the Don Newman site. The excluded candidates are Chandler and Grafftey.

The Don Newman site usually has a few streamy clips of their past shows, so later I'll be sure to put up a link for those who want to see highlights of the Tory leadership debate.

I've been dying to figure out where the following song comes from:
"Mares eat oats and does eat oats and little lambs eat ivy. A kid'll eat ivy too wouldn't you?"
My mom used to sing it when I was a kid, and I've been trying to figure out if it's a real song, or just something she came up with after hitting her head.
Salam Pax hasn't posted anything on his blog since March 24th, because he lives in a city without access to many modern conveniences, like running water, electricity, cable, internet, police, etc. He lives in Baghdad. So while I doubt many would disagree that it's understandable that he hasn't posted for more than a month, what's Paul Martin's excuse?
Word has it that the Bourque website will be back up soon. For those who care.
Beautiful Easter yesterday. The extended family got together at Grama's house in Fenelon Falls for an incredible "Ham and Moosemeat" dinner, and sitting around on the breezeway shooting the breeze. I can't remember the weather being so nice and warm at Easter, which is odd because I think we had an ice storm last weekend. Grama's garden was starting to come to life, and in fact there were several flowers that bloomed over the course of the warm day. I couldn't tell you what the names of the flowers are, but there were lots of little yellow ones, and a big red one. The women-folk made a real fuss over the red one, "oh, isn't that lovely..."
While the women were talking about gardens and such, we men-folk busied ourselved talking about the war and puttering around in the garage.
The family dogs spent their day getting reaquainted, with no injuries this time. One of those dogs, my aunt's "Riker", was absent this year, having died at about 14 or 15 years of age.

I hope everyone had a great Easter this year.

Unfortunately the beautiful weather isn't going to last, with Tuesday's high forecast at 6 degrees, and possible snowflakes. That will probably take the blooms off the garden at Grama's house at the same time.
Nazis on the internet

Last night during the Leafs game, we got talking about what Don Cherry's reaction would be on Coach's Corner if the league ever considered allowing robot players (we were also dancing to the organ music playing at the Air Canada Centre, thanks to our Labatts' 50).

So today, I got looking for Don Cherry quotes about European players, from the days not so long ago when he was completely opposed to having Europlayers in the league.

And I stumbled across this article/message board called Don Cherry hurts white Europeans. It's basically a forum for some guys who probably never get any sex, to spout off about how much they hate women and other races. Here's a quote from the first message: "And if he had the guts he would attack blacks, chinks or indians playing in the N.H.L. instead of the easy targeted white European players.".
I randomly scrolled down and found a message that contained this gem: "I feel a much greater sense of solidarity with my race than with my nation.".

Their mainpage is pretty nasty as well. The page title that appears at the top of my Browser window says "White Pride World Wide". Ironically, reading their website makes me feel less proud of being a member of the same race as these gentlemen.

I'm not going to provide any analysis of the site.
I found another site related to the leadership race. It's called "totallytruebluetraditionaltory". I haven't had a good look at it yet, but it appears to have a lot of links to other sites, some of which I'll have to investigate when I have time. Here it is. Oh, put your pen down. I'll put a permanent link up for it. I'll shorten it up a bit and call it "True Blue Tory".
I almost forgot
I had promised to post my crappy DSM speech. It wasn't much, and in fact I edited out most of it, once I found out that I wasn't going to get a lot of time to speak, really just a few seconds. Here was what I ended up saying:

(insert opening remarks)

Since 1993, the PC party has been struggling to define itself. On the one hand, there are those who'd like to move closer to the Canadian Alliance, and perhaps "Unite the Right". On the other hand, there are those who think we are already too far to the right, and these people want to move us in another direction. And a lot of great policy ideas have been brought forth through this process.

But policy isn't our problem. If elections were based on policy alone, Canada would currently have a majority Progressive Conservative majority government. What we need right now is a man. The right man. A leader for all Canadians.

We need a leader who can get us back in the game. We need a leader who can offer our party a vision for a successful future.
We need a leader who will meet the moral challenges that threaten this country, and who can bridge the gaps between Alberta and New Brunswick, English and French, Orchard and Mackay.

If we choose someone with vision, someone with guts, if we choose someone who will inspire us, and not just us, not just Tories, but all Canadians. Then we'll be able to face whatever comes our way.

From now on, let's stop telling people who's the most qualified. Instead of telling Canadians who's got the better ideas, let's make it obvious.

(insert closing remarks)
They say
that a picture is worth a thousand words. The picture below is definitely worth more than all of the words I've written in the past months about Charest's election campaign.
What can I say that won't be entirely boring?

It was a great night all around. The Leafs won, the Sens won, and Jean Charest won. Ten years after he began, the turtle finally crossed the finish line, even if it's not the finish line he was originally shooting for. Has anybody seen the Hare in the past few years?

Decided to look her up on the web (by the way, I'm talking about Kim Campbell). Seems she's doing all sorts of really boring things. Here's a little piece on her recent doings.

Back on topic though. The best line of the night came from Charest, when he said "Quebec's leadership will make Canada a better place". Wow, it's been so long since I've heard a Quebec Premier talk about Quebec and Canada in the same sentence without sneering. Very nice.

Now, Jean, are you going to sign the constitution?
"They get what they vote for, and that is mismanagement under Charest" Albertan e-mail, read during CBC's Quebec election coverage, attacking Charest for being a Liberal.

Mismanagement under Charest? The man has neither governed well or poorly yet. This is obviously just proof that Alliance types (this man is obviously an Alliance member, based on the spelling errors in his message) don't criticize based on performance, but based on party lines.

This writer has already begun to attack the non-existent Charest government, for things that are as-yet undone.
Is it to early to start roasting Charest?
The date: I don't remember. Sometime in the summer of 1993.
The place: Skydome.
The event: An Argos game (I forget who they were playing)
The scene: Prime Minister Kimmy Campbell, deputy PM Jean Charest, and a bunch of us party hacks had travelled to Toronto for the game, Skybox courtesy of one of our corporate admirers.
The story: Drinks, drinks, chatting, laughing. The gentleman in the picture in the post below this one had had a few too many I guess.
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, that we were all wearing our campaign t-shirts, with the words "Prime Minister KIM" on the front.

Back to my story. I don't know where the black magic marker came from, although I suspect that someone who I will refer to as KR was involved. But suddenly Mr. Charest took the marker to the t-shirt he was wearing, scribbling out the word "KIM", and started writing in below the words "Jean Charest". Ha ha. Those of us who supported his leadership bid earlier that year were tickled pink. I don't know what the rest thought, or what the PM thought.
What happened next could have caused serious problems if any of the thousands of cameras in the stadium happened to have been trained on our skybox, but the humour value have made it worth whatever fallout it might have caused. Mr. Charest walked up to the Skybox window wearing his Prime Minister Jean Charest t-shirt, and raised his arms...

OK enough. You get the general picture, and I'm going to leave the man with some of his dignity.

Good luck tonight Jean, I'm rooting for you. As, I would imagine, are the majority of the politically aware people in the country.
Good old JC, the turtlemeister is set to become Quebec's next premier tomorrow!!! I am so happy, not because I give a damn about the Quebec Liberals, although it's going to be nice to see the tail end of this PQ government, but because Jean is a good man, a friend I've known and respected for a long time.

Just keep him away from the coffee while in public.
I thought the Smashing Pumpkins had split up.

Yet there they are on SNL tonight.

Probably the third best band of the 90s. The best, if you exclude bands whose singers shot themselves, with rumours that their girlfriend may have pulled the trigger, and bands whose singers died of a heroin overdose, with rumours of leukemia.

My favourite songs of the 1990s (since I'm on the subject):
1) Smells like teen spirit (Nirvana)
2) No Rain (Blind Melon)
3) Summertime Rolls (Jane's Addiction)
4) 1979 (Smashing Pumpkins)

Other favourite musicians, last quarter century:
Bryan Ferry, the Clash, the Cure..

Actually, as much fun as this is to write, I'm sure it's pretty boring to read. So I'll quit, and apologize.
Speaking of blogs...

Hello Paul!! Wakey wakey!!

"It has now been more than 24 hours since the war in Iraq began"


Scuttlebutt Corner
I spoke yesterday to someone who attended Cardinal Carter's funeral. It was attended by all of the living PMs, all sorts and varieties of Canadian politicians, lots of business bigwigs, and clergy from around the world.
I'm not going to name names, but apparently one of those PMs who attended, one with a French surname, was felt by some to have made a disrespectful entrance, all jaunty and not sombre enough. But apparently he saved himself by going around afterwards and shaking hands with everyone.
Personally I don't give a damn, I don't understand why anyone would even consider it to be worth discussing. The Catholic Church confuses me I guess. I don't even know what the heck a Cardinal is. The church I grew up in had ministers, and that was it. But the Catholics have monks, priests, nuns, bishops, popes, cardinals, choirboys (oops), and maybe more. Oh yeah, friars.

Anyway, I've also heard that with Conrad Black being there, as well as various politicos, there were several attempts at fundraising. And they think it's disrespectful to walk in funny?

I wouldn’t have wanted to have been sitting between Jean and King Conrad.
I read the greatest little line today, regarding the reconstruction of Iraq, from a fellow by the name of Jeremiah Hamish. Whether he's right or wrong, it's still a wonderful line:

"Welcome to the corpse America. You killed it. You clean it."
If you get nauseated by too much self aggrandizement, you might want to pop a few Tums before reading the next post.
I deserve an Oscar.

Tonight I walked into a room full of people, none of whom I had ever met. It was our riding's delegate selection meeting, and it was very heavily organized by the Mackay and the Orchard people. Every person in that room knew before they came, for whom they would be voting. Every one of the delegateships was accounted for, twice over, by each of those campaigns.

There were 10 delegateships up for grabs, and I needed a fair number of votes to win one of them. It would be a miracle if I got more than one vote, that being my own. I was the only Bachand supporter in the room, and I had done no organizing at all(as I said, I know nobody in this riding association).

My strategy: talk-up a few girls, find the weak people in the room, those who I could influence. I was handed a strategic tool by an Orchard organizer who mistook me for an Orchard supporter, and basically told me their voting strategy. A massive flaw in that voting strategy opened up an opportunity for me to talk to the Mackay people and get a few votes from them.

The Orchard people made yet another huge error, by contesting the identification produced by a Mackay supporter. If that one person had been allowed to vote, I would not have had the 10% of the total vote that I needed to win my delegateship, and the Orchard folks would have had another delegate (strange that allowing a Mackay supporter to vote would produce an Orchard delegate).

At some point, around 4am in the morning, one of those Orchard organizers is going to wake up and realize his mistake. Is it actually possible to "kick yourself"?

Anyway, through my acting skills, and some strategic slip-ups by the Orchard campaign, I got exactly the number of votes I needed. Also I met a gorgeous girl, whose name I forget. I didn't think to ask for her phone number, but I likely would have never called her anyway.
I have to give a speech tonight, it's a silly little speech at our Brampton Centre delegate selection meeting. But I think I'm putting together something fairly reasonable. As always I'm borrowing a line from one of my idols, and deceased member of my fraternity, William Jennings Bryan:
"Instead of meeting the issue boldly and submitting a clear and positive plan for dealing with the question of the aging Sea-Kings, the Liberals adopted a platform--the larger part of which was devoted to boasting and self-congratulation." (obviously I've changed a word or 2).

But most of it is mine. A lot of kitsch: "We need a leader who...blah blah blah", some stuff with tempo, etc. Actually instead of using normal tempo, I had considered trying to experiment with Eminem-style tempos, but I quickly found myself adding bad words to my lines, so I had to abandon that.

And there's even some really corny quasi-patriotic crap. Guess I've been watching CNN too much lately. Anyway, I still have to finish it up, and maybe tomorrow night I'll put it up here for your boredom.
Have I got the only Tory blog in the country?
The US government has a new website, It's another attempt at scare
mongering in the style of the old "duck and cover" advice after WWII.
The fun thing is that these pictures are so ambiguous they could mean anything! Here are a few

If you have set yourself on fire, do not run

If you spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are Vin Diesel, yell really loud.

If you spot a terrorist arrow, pin it against the wall with your shoulder

If you are sprayed with an unknown substance, stand and think about it instead of seeing a

Use your flashlight to lift the walls right off of you!

The proper way to eliminate smallpox is to wash with soap, water and at least one(1) armless

Michael Jackson is a terrorist. If you spot this smooth criminal with dead, dead eyes, run the
fuck away.

Hurricanes, animal corpses and the biohazard symbol have a lot in common. Think about it.

Be on the lookout for terrorists with pinkeye and leprosy. Also, they tend to rub their hands
together manically.

If a door is closed, karate chop it open.

If your building collapses, give yourself a blowjob while waiting to be rescued.

Try to absorb as much of the radiation as possible with your groin region. After 5 minutes and 12
seconds, however, you may become sterile

After exposure to radiation it is important to consider that you may have mutated to gigantic
dimensions: watch your head.

If you've become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand, remember to close the window. No one
wants to see that shit.

If you hear the Backstreet Boys, Michael Bolton or Yanni on the radio, cower in the corner or
run like hell.

If your lungs and stomach start talking, stand with your arms akimbo until they stop.

If you are trapped under falling debris, conserve oxygen by not farting.

If you lose a contact lens during a chemical attack, do not stop to look for it.

Do not drive a stations wagon if a power pole is protruding from the hood.

A one-inch thick piece of plywood should be sufficient protection against radiation.

From different sources around the net, Ikram Saeed has put together a couple of examples of war poetry . Writing poetry about this war is something I doubt I'd be able to do, because I keep cycling between anger and sadness when I think about what's going on.

Me, I have nothing to say about the war anymore. I'm a coward.
Amazed to see that that guy in the little video about 4 posts down is still dancing....
Watching @theend, on CBC Newsworld, where they are discussing the war in Iraq. Personally I can't understand why they've got Sharon Lewis, the really weird host of Zed, as a panel guest. She must be off the heroin tonight. Phil Spector is supporting the war, and to his credit, he's coming up with some arguments I haven't heard 1000 times before. Spector thinks Saddam is in it for the oil.
Before they went to commercial Steve Burgess (the host) says "we're all going to die".
Well. That's the most clever thing anyone's said so far in the program actually...

Decided to find something more intelligent. Switched over to the Chris Isaak show.
Read the Onion Magazine's take on the evils of freedom of speech during wartime.
Move your mouse until the pointy thing on your screen is directly over HERE and turns into a hand, then apply pressure to your mouse with your index finger (that's your pointing finger, stupid).
I can really be long-winded some times. I just wrote a long, long piece about the leadership race, about what the PCs need in a leader, but it's really pretty boring. I've saved it, I'll probably edit it and throw in some jokes, and post it another time.

Suffice it to say that what the party needs is more Barnum and Bailey. Screw policy. We need someone who wins elections.

Maybe we should have an anthem. Something we can mosh to.
We need rumours of mob ties. Or maybe Joe should get one of his staffers pregnant. I vote that we get all the candidates completely hammered before the next debate.

Someone should streak. It's fun, it's fast, it's naked.

"We want you to support the war, you idiot" Stephen Harper, House of Commons, April 2

Here is a list of language that has been deemed unparliamentary over the years by different Speakers of the House in the Alberta legislature. I'm sure it's too much to expect Stephen Harper to give a damn about being civil during debate.
Notice that as the years went by, the insults became less creative. The art of insulting appears to be dying in this country. Well I for one refuse to allow it to die (sniff).

Whatever. Anyway, here's the list.

parliamentary pugilist (1875)
a bag of wind (1878)
inspired by forty-rod whiskey (1881)
coming into the world by accident (1886)
blatherskite (1890)
the political sewer pipe from Carleton County (1917)
lacking in intelligence (1934)
a dim-witted saboteur (1956)
a trained seal (1961)
evil genius (1962)
Canadian Mussolini (1964)
liar (consistently from 1959 to the present)
pompous ass (1967)
pig (1977)
jerk (1980)
sleaze bag (1984)
racist (1986)
scuzzball (1988)

And in Ottawa, Pierre Trudeau gave us the famous "fuddle duddle", to explain to reporters who had seen him mouth the words "fuck off" to an opposition member. I guess I really shouldn't say "fuck off" in my blog.