Mike's Guide to Canadian Newspapers

1. The Toronto Star is read by the people who run the country.

2. The Globe and Mail is read by people who think they run the country.

3. The National Post is read by people who think they should run the country.

4. The Calgary Sun is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand the National Post. They do, however like the smog statistics shown in pie charts.

5. The Vancouver Sun is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country, if they could spare the time, and if they didn't have to leave B.C. to do it.

6. The Montreal Gazette and La Presse are read by people who used to run the country.

7. The Toronto Sun is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country, and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.

8. The St. John's Telegram is read by people who don't care who's running the country either, as long as they do something really scandalous and funny, preferably while intoxicated.

9. The Westender is read by people who aren't sure there is a country, or that anyone is running it; but whoever it is, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped minority, feministic atheist dwarfs, who also happen to be illegal aliens from ANY country or galaxy as long as they are NDPers.

10. Le Devoir is read by people who want to run another country, and don't give a damn about the hockey scores.